


Act II: Undercover

by JessKo2000 (JessKo)



Series: Dead Weight [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-15 08:37:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17525399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JessKo/pseuds/JessKo2000
Summary: After intense training, it is time to enter the Akatsuki under the protection of Zetsu.





	1. Transformation

“Now what?” I asked Zetsu. I had finished training with Zabuza and discovered I was gifted with the ability to manipulate all the elements but was now lost in my ever changing world. Wait until Lee and Guy hear about the whole elements thing, I thought, but then it dawned on me that it would be a while until the next time I will see them, the second leg of my mission not even begun.

“We must meet with the organization Akatsuki. They have been under the impression I am on a scouting mission and am long overdue. It is time to report back.” He said. I knew I would eventually have to join, but I never thought it would be this soon.

“But first,” Zetsu continued, “We must make you… Different. Your chakra reeks of Konoha, and Might Guy. How did that happen?” He asked. I then had to explain the whole ‘chakra lock’ thing to him, and he said that some of Guy Sensei’s chakra must have leaked into mine, and that might have been a reason to why I could control all the elements, at least at a low level.

“Guy has no specific elemental manipulation, so his chakra mingling with yours may have caused some kind of unbalance, and thus unlocking all the elements for you.” Zetsu’s explanation made sense. “It is also notoriously poor chakra so do not be so excited about this.”

I frowned, crossing my arms. Hmph!

“Regardless, this fact will make it harder to make you mix in with the rest of the members, since we are familiar with Guy. Looks like there is only one option left…” Said Zetsu as he lunged for me. I felt a searing pain in my shoulders and my vision got fuzzy. I blacked out after that.

 

I woke up in what looked like a room carved in stone, lying on a cot. Dim light was coming from a candle mounted next to a wooden door. I tried to sit up, but instantly felt light headed and lay back down. I then shifted to lie on my side and half of my vision was blocked by something green. And instead of my head hitting the pillow, my head felt something cool and hard. Did Zetsu eat me?!

 I opened my mouth to scream, but my tongue hit a row of sharp teeth and I snapped my jaws shut, cutting my lip in the process. I reached up, despite the pain, to feel what my head was hitting, and it felt like a giant, serrated leaf.

Hyperventilating, I began to panic. What is going on? What happened? I tried to retrace my steps, remembering Zetsu and my conversation, and then his lunging at me… Zetsu, Zetsu, Zet- At that moment, a horrifying thought crossed my mind: Maybe Zetsu and I switched bodies! But then I felt my hair, and it seemed the same, so that can’t be it.

Then I saw the door creak open and saw a familiar shadow move across the floor. It was Zetsu!

“What did you do to me!?!” I asked (More like yelled at) Zetsu, and he gave me a harsh “shhhhh!” in reply. “The others will hear you! I just told them you were harmed while I retrieved you.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, but then added “And why am I growing leaves?!?”

“You had to be able to blend in, so I gave you some of my chakra and let nature take its course. And I told the other members that you are an old experiment of mine, so act like it! I’ll help you get used to the body and show you how use it properly.” Explained Zetsu. I then remembered the hand mirror and pulled it out.

My face was about the same, except for the black and white division right down the middle, sharp teeth, and yellow eyes. I had the same hair, but it was a bright green color. And I couldn’t stop staring at the leaves. One grew out of each of my shoulders and they connected right below my neck, eventually dissolving into my skin near the bottom of my ribcage. I guess Zetsu had taken the liberty of taking my shirt off for me when I blacked out.

Zetsu had left the weights, but removed the orange covers and replaced them with one black and one white cover that contrasted with whatever color the skin was on that particular arm or leg. When he saw me notice this this, he said “You already have hints of Guys chakra, so I couldn’t have you looking like him, too.” With a weak smile. Did he actually care about me or something?

He then explained how to use my new body properly. I could split into the ‘black’ and ‘white’ halves, and when I tried it, it was just like having a much more durable clone. And while split, the leaves were much smaller and pointed down, retracted in a way. He also showed me how I could travel through the earth and make even more copies of the white half and how the black half can sense anyone, anywhere just by connecting with the land like some kind of biological GPS. Along with my ninjutsu, swordsmanship, and taijutsu skills, these new abilities made me even stronger. The only drawback, though, was my appearance. But I could worry about that later. The pressing issue was the whole ‘evil organization’ thing. It took every ounce of focus to not panic.

Then, there was a knock on the door. Zetsu motioned for me to get back in bed, so I did as he opened the door and walked outside. Zetsu closed the door behind him and the sudden silence let me drift into deep thought, and eventually, sleep.


	2. Induction

“Wake up, hmm,” Said a voice. I felt someone kick my bed, and another voice said “Time to get up,” and the first voice said “Do it, Sasori.”

I felt myself get ripped out of bed and I opened my eyes in shock. I saw two young guys, one of them a redhead who looked about my age and the other was a blonde with a high pony tail. They were both wearing cloaks identical to Zetsu’s own. I tried to rub my eyes, but I couldn’t move.

“Who are you?” I asked the two, panicked. The blonde one looked at the redhead and he dropped his hand, apparently releasing me because I was moving on my own again. The blonde one replied “You are the new kid, hmm? C’mon, un,” and walked out the door. The redhead followed and so did I, hoping for more answers.

I was guided through several long corridors, and eventually into a large room. In it was the strangest, most eclectic collection of ninja I had ever seen. In one corner, Zetsu was talking to a seriously pierced redhead and a girl with blue hair and in another was a tall tan masked person with a white haired man who carried a three point sickle. There was also a blue fish person talking to a person with a low black pony tail. Black pony tail was the first to spot me, and I knew him immediately. Uchiha Itachi, the man who killed his whole clan and the neighboring one. I tried not to look like I knew this, though, remembering Zetsu’s warnings.

Next, fish boy turned around, and I noticed he had Samehada strapped to his back. I almost ran over to him, almost. I would have to talk to him later about the legendary sword. Slowly everyone except Zetsu and the pierced one was looking at me.

“Welcome home, un” Said blondie sarcastically. What’s up with the –un, I thought to myself. Then sickle said “Hey Zetsu, I didn’t know you had a sister,” and tan mask laughed. Zetsu turned around and said “Ex-per-i-ment.” Just this word alone shut them all up, so I knew Zetsu must be pretty powerful. Cool, I think?

Then piercings looked at me, waited a second until it was quiet, and said “I am Pein. This is Akatsuki. As you know, we are a group of elite shinobi with one mission- to capture the tailed beasts. We all travel in groups of two, and you will be sent on scouting missions with your new partner, Zetsu. But first, take some time to get to know everyone. I see you are already acquainted with Deidara and Sasori.” He then left.

“In case you didn’t know, I’m Deidara and this shrimp is Sasori, hmm” said blondie. Then the red head, Sasori said “And I’m not a shrimp, in fact, I’m older than him,” Which shocked me since he looked about my age. I held out my hand to both of them, but neither made a move to accept it. Deidara held up his hand, and a wet tongue came out of it.

“You may not want to do that, un” he said, and I knew I didn’t. Then the white haired and masked approached.

“Names Hidan,” said the white haired one, grabbing my hand, “And this is Kakuzu,” He then leaned close and whispered to me, “You may want to hide your m-o-n-e-y from him though!” And I heard a grunt come from Kakuzu who just rolled his eyes.

“Well, avoid Hidan, unless you want to take a trip to Icha Icha Paradise,” Said fish boy with a chuckle. I instantly let go of Hidan, who was practically steaming because of the perverted comment. “I’m Kisame, and that one is Itachi. Don’t expect a warm welcome from him, though!” said fish boy, pointing to the Uchiha.

I heard a low growl, and the next thing I knew, Samehada was climbing up my leg with its mouth wide open, the living shark-sword making gurgling noises.

“No! Bad sword! Get back here!!!” said Kisame, wrestling it off my leg.

“I think it likes me!” I exclaimed with a little too much enthusiasm.

“No. Samehada is loyal to me, right.” Kisame said once he got it off me, chastising the blade. Samehada made a sad little whimper and stiffened up again.

“You know everyone now. Time to go,” said an all familiar mumble. Zetsu.

“But I’m meeting my new teammates,” I said, and Hidan added a quick “Yeah, let her stay for a bit longer.” But Zetsu was already dragging me away by the arm.

We went into a dark room off of the first corridor from the large room and Pein and the blue haired girl were in there.

“We need to talk,” said Pein gravely.

What is it about EVERYONE needing to talk, I think to myself white setting my face straight. “Yes?”

“We need to talk,” said Pein gravely, “About… Your initiation!!!” he added with an amusing tone in his voice. Then blue hair said, “Should we tell her about Zetsu’s?” With a chuckle.

 

“We coated the whole floor with weed killer!” added Pein, bursting into laughter. I chimed in with some laughter myself. Zetsu mumbled something and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

“And remember when we left Kisame in the desert!” said blue hair, folding over with laughter. “And when we all dressed like Sasuke for a week!”

“Itachi was petrified!” added Pein. It was a low blow but admittedly hilarious.

We all laughed for another minute while Pein and blue hair, who I learned was Konan, reminisced over some of the other initiations, including hers (They flooded the hideout due to her paper construction) and Peins (It involved being stuck to a giant magnet). Then, Pein said “Sooo… What form of torture would work best on you?” and Konan said “We usually plan in advance, but we had no idea Zetsu was going to bring someone home with him.”

It was a little strange that they were asking me to ‘pick my poison’, but I decided to play along with it by saying the opposite of ‘torture’ for me.

“Well… I really hate all you can eat BBQ. And don’t get me started on curry!” I said, hoping I would just get a free meal.

“Hmmmm…” said Pein, “You… can go.” And I walked through the door. Perhaps they would take pity on a child. Itachi was in the corridor, apparently waiting for me.

“I’m supposed to stall you here, but I really don’t want to talk now…” he said in an emotionless voice. He stared blankly at the wall and looked bored.

“Darn you, Itachi!!” yelled Hidan through the wall. I guess he had planned on Itachi giving a better performance. I decided to make things a little interesting and sunk into the floor and headed towards the center of the large room everyone was in, hoping to scare a few of them.

I came up through the floor, and then through a layer of… person. I looked like I was growing right out of Kakuzu and froze.

“Get out of me!!!!” He yelled, smacking my shoulder, so I quickly climbed out and moved around him. In the middle of his chest, there was a big hole that was filling itself in with thick black strings.

“I told you not to sit down on the job,” said Hidan with a smirk, and Kakuzu mumbled something about ‘stupid plants’ as he stalked out of the room.

I half expected them to be setting some kind of gauntlet up for me, but everyone was just acting like nothing was happening. Then, Kisame said “Who’s ready for some dinner?” and Deidara started chanting “Pizza! Pizza!”

“Aright!” said Kisame, and Hidan asked Zetsu to go ‘liberate some nourishment’. Zetsu then told me to follow him as he sunk into the floor.

When we rose back up, we were in front of a small pizza place. The counter was manned by a teenager, and when he saw us, he flipped out.

Zetsu acted like nothing was wrong and relayed the list of pizzas, and the kid ran into the kitchen. We silently waited for him to return, and in about twenty minutes he came back with a stack of pies. Zetsu handed them to me and approached the boy.

“Take those back. It’s time for my ‘pizza’” he said, and I decided to scram versus bear witness to the coming carnage.

When I got back, everyone was sitting around a large table. At the head of the table was Pein, and at the other end was an empty chair, pushed to the corner of the table so that they could fit an extra stool, apparently for me.

I passed out the boxes to their respective owners. Kisame had the most interesting pizza, though. It was a combination of assorted candies and pickled meats. He gave Pein a hard time over his ‘seafood sensation’ pizza, though. He said that Pein was eating his cousins, and I had the ‘every meat ever made’ variety and sat down.

Hidan dared everyone to a pizza eating contest, but Kisame, Deidara, and I were the only ones who accepted the challenge. Whoever ate the most without throwing up would win and Itachi would judge.

We lined up on one side of the table with large stacks of boxes in front of us. And in his same melancholy voice, Itachi counted us down and we started!!!

Deidara conked out at two and a half pies and Hidan at five. Kisame and I were on our seventh, and I thought I was going to explode! Itachi just watched, and Pein said we were acting like children. When I opened my eighth box, I felt something coming up my throat. I looked over to Kisame, and he was still going strong. I got one last slice down before it all came up.

When I looked back up, everyone was laughing at me. I then noticed the pile of pizza slices gathered around Kisame’s ankles, and two smaller mounds. They tricked me! I guess when I told Pein and Konan about what I hated, all they heard was the ‘all you can eat’ part.

“Very funny,” I said sarcastically, “You got me.”

Then, Zetsu came walking through the wall. He took one look around the room, turned, and walked out. I then realized I probably looked like a wreck and walked to the bathroom (Or what I assumed was the bathroom) to wash up. I guessed right and cleaned myself. Luckily, I hadn’t gotten much on my shirt and walked out to find everyone waiting outside the door. Pein walked forward and handed me a robe.

“Welcome to Akatsuki,” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much fun going back to my favorite gang of baddies. 
> 
> And yes I did go back and watch some of the old Akatsuki Life on YouTube. Much of the antics are inspired by that show so. Do go watch it it is amazing.


	3. Two Years Time

“Yosh! First mission!!!! Let’s go go go!!!--- I mean, let’s go, Zetsu.” I said, trying to cover myself up. It was not a great time for a youthful outbreak, but there was nothing I could do at this point. The more I missed Lee and Guy, the more I acted like them. I guess it was my brain’s way to pay them homage.

Pein had just finished explaining Zetsu's and my first mission together, which was to spy on the feudal lord of the Land of Earth. I had no idea why we had to do the mission, but after my little outburst, I decided to stay quiet.

Zetsu decided it would be quickest to travel underground, and when we got outside of headquarters, he quickly sensed where our target was. We headed northwest and after just a few hours of traveling, we arrived at our destination. Zetsu said we would take shifts spying, and I got the first one. I hovered under the meeting room where the feudal lord was and listened in.

They discussed the financial stability of the country and talked about many other boring subjects, but one thing grabbed my attention. I heard that the one tail beast from Suna rampaged during the Chunin exams when its host, Gaara, lost control, but the nine tails stopped it! So that was Lee’s opponent, I thought to myself.

I wanted to keep listening, but Zetsu came up to be and said it was his shift. I found a small cave and decided to rest there. I took out a scroll and wrote down everything I had heard, that way I wouldn’t forget and lay down to try to sleep.

Then, Zetsu woke me up for my shift and this cycle continued for a few days. After Zetsu thought we had enough information, we went back and reported to Pein.

We had to do the same for each of the other feudal lords and other political figures, and it was so dull. I was extremely jealous of the other missions that members were sent on. Everyone shared stories of epic battles and extreme dangers, but all I could share was the occasional interesting tidbit of information.

A few interesting things did happen over those six months or so, though:

First, I began training with Kisame who was dumbfounded over the concept that a plant knew how to handle a sword. I would then rebuttal with the fact that he was a fish. The training was brutal, but it wasn’t like I never had a tough master before (Cough Guy Sensei cough cough) and I quite enjoyed the challenge. At one point, Kisame even let me use Samehada, but it was so hard for him to get it back that he never let me use it again. (Let’s just say it started to grow on me. Literally)

Secondly, I made some new friends! I know it sounds cheesy, but the Akatsuki members turned out to (mostly) be really cool, which surprised me sense they are evil and all. Even Zetsu eventually warmed up to me, and the white half can be a little fun at times. But in the same breath, the black half tried to eat me. Twice.

After those long months of boring missions, I finally was sent on my first real task with Sasori and Deidara

At first I thought. this mission was bound to be a drag. I had to, simply put, watch Deidara and Sasori’s backs as they checked out some village in the middle of nowhere for a jinchuriki. These kinds of missions usually involved countless hours of following their chakra wander around from outside the village and sensing for any danger. Fun.

We were almost there and we passed a small but busy roadside casino. Letting Sasori take the lead, Deidara fell back and whispered “I think you know what I’ll be doing tonight, hm! You in?”

I nodded. I may as well have a little fun this time around!

At night, we all made camp and after eating, Deidara decided it was time.

“So, Sasori, Jess and I are going to go scope out the village tonight, hm.”

“Is that right? You had better get back here quick and not keep me waiting.”

“Yes, yes, of course!” I added and we started walking out of camp.

“Urgh, the village is that way.” Sasori said as we realized we were headed in the direction of the casino and Not the village.

“I know, hm. It will be easier to approach the village from the back, right?”

“Yes, I suppose. You two had better not be going to that casino.”

“Now, why would we want to go there, un?” Finished Deidara while scooting me and himself out of Sasori’s earshot. 

“That was close, hm. Now, let’s go!” And we were off, arriving at the casino in record time. It was even busier than before.

“Where are all these people coming from? I think more people are here than in the entire village!” I exclaimed, and Deidara nodded in agreement.

“Anyways, let’s get started, hm!” He said, slipping off his robe and pulling off his headband and ponytail. I guess he didn’t want any really defining features showing when we went in. I followed suit and split, leaving my black half outside to stand sentry.

Then, we approached, Deidara on the surface and myself underground, following his every move. He decided to start at a card table and, when the dealer was distracted, I grabbed a spare deck from his station. I quickly picked out the aces and, slipping them under his shoe, passed them to Deidara who stuck them in the mouth on his left hand by pretending to adjust his shoe before sitting down.

Let’s just say that he would swallow any bad cards with the right mouth and slip one in from his left and won quite a bit that game, although the dealer had no idea why all the aces were moist.

Next, we took on the slot machines. I felt which one Deidara (Who now had a bit of a posse after winning so much at cards) chose and slipped inside. Knowing a thing or two about technology, I quickly reprogrammed the thing to make the odds of winning the jackpot 1:2. Deidara pulled the lever and the machine stopped on one, two, three golden kunai knives!!!

_He’s coming._

The thought came through my mind. It was a warning from the black half! I reached up and jabbed the bottom of Deidara’s shoe, my ‘get out now or so help me I will drag you under’ sign. But, being so distracted by the shower of money raining down on him, Deidara just shifted his weight and continued to collect.

_Almost here!_

Come on! Trying the jab both feet at once, I succeeded in just making Deidara jump for joy. He was now bagging the money and picking it up off the floor. There had to be thousands of bills strewn about him. Caught in the moment and wishing I had pockets, I reached out and grabbed a bill or two.

_He’s here!!!_

At that exact moment, I felt Sasori burst through the doors. Sticking my head slightly out of the machine, I saw a small redhead boy coming towards us, but there was no sign of Sasori… Wait, that was Sasori! Confused and not wanting to be seen, I slid behind the glass and only had one eye poking out. Thee three golden kunai now were two and a golden eye.

Almost done picking up his spoils, Deidara threw some cash into the air and turned around, now face to face with a very angry little puppet. 

“Oh. Hello there, un,”

“Come on, brother. Time to go home,” he said, barely containing his anger.

“Awww, bro! Look how good I’m doing, hm!” Said Deidara, thankfully playing along because now the whole casino was looking.

“AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! An eye!!!!” Some lady screamed, pointing right at me. Crap! Time to go! Watching Deidara and Sasori storm out, I quickly backed up and down and resurfaced outside the casino, just as the others ran out with security close behind.

“Hey! There are eight aces in this deck!” Great. Now we really were in trouble.

“Thief!!!”

“Cheater!!!”

“Get them!!!”

We ran past my black half who, blankly staring and slightly confused, held out our robes.  Grabbing them as we passed, she followed and fused back with my body on the fly.

By the time we got back to camp, the guards were long gone.

“So, refresh my memory. You were scouting out the village?” asked Sasori, getting back inside his puppet.

“Fine, we went to the casino, hm. But check out all this cash!” said Deidara, holding out his bloated canvas sack filled with money.

“Lovely. I’m sure Kakuzu will be happy to hoard this for you,” Said Sasori, grabbing the sack with his puppets metal tail and he placed it inside with him just as the puppet snapped shut.

The next day, after scouting about a bit, they came back and Deidara handed me a few papers. One was a poster with a crude drawing of himself with the words ‘Wanted- The Wet Aces Bandit’. Another had Sasori; just known as ‘the Brother’. The third was a snippet of a newspaper story titled ‘Golden Eye Slot Machine Mishap’.

“Good thing I took this off, ‘Golden Eye’, hm?” He said, nudging his headband and winking.

“Eh. I like your new name, though. The ‘Wet Aces Bandit’!”

Another time, I went with Kisame and Zetsu to the Mist Village, and on the way we passed two graves. In one of them, the executioner’s blade was stuck into the ground and I realized that Zabuza was buried there. Zetsu and I, knowing him personally, were a little saddened by this, but I took full advantage of the situation and grabbed the sword. I’m sure it’s what he would have wanted. Kisame was glad that I no longer would pester him to borrow his.

This went on for another two years, but then I was sent on another mission with Deidara and Sasori. It was to capture the one tails beast: Gaara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter serves as a bridge from the original timeline to Shippuden timeline. This mission is taking quite some time and it seems the Akatsuki have been a very bad influence.
> 
> I have also included the bonus/side story "Wet Aces Bandit" as this is when it would all go down.


	4. Antagonist

I couldn’t sense him anymore. One minute, Sasori was fighting like a madman, the next, he just stopped. After that, his chakra disappeared. Gone.

On the way to the rendezvous point, I thought about who I saw. Kakashi was there, and just about blew Deidara up. Imagine that, Deidara being killed by his own art! But then again, Sasori was killed by puppets. I also sensed Guy and Lee in the reinforcements, so I decided to not interfere in the fight. I know I would get crap from Deidara for not helping, but if only he knew…

When I reached the spot, Deidara was waiting for me. (Well, most of him… An arm was missing.)

“We successfully got the one tails.” I said, and Deidara added,

“Yeah, but at a cost, hmm.”

“I guess we should go back…” I said, and Deidara got back on his clay bird, but waited, looking at me.

“It must be pretty dull always going underground, un.” He said. I clambered onto the bird awkwardly, but it felt sturdy. We took off at a blindingly fast speed, and I had to hold on for dear life. From the ground, we must have looked like a white blur streaking across the sky.

After a minute or so, I got more accustomed to flying, so I slowly climbed up next to Deidara, thinking it must be safer.

“Fun, isn’t it, un?” he asked.

“Fun if you like dying!” I yelled. Deidara just laughed and made the bird go even faster. I dug my nails in, and then attached myself to it with roots. I had no intention of sharing Sasori’s fate on this mission.

“Sasori never liked to go that fast, hmm.” He said as we landed in record time. This bird could travel even faster across the sky than me and Zetsu through the ground!

“I can see why!” I said, detaching myself.

We delivered the one tails along with the bad news.

“Sasori bit the dust, eh?” Asked Hidan.

“Yup, but it just confirms that my art is better than his, hmm.” Said Deidara boastfully, folding his arms.

“Well…. We will need a replacement, unless Jess wants to be your new partner,” said Pein, looking at me. I was about to accept, but then Zetsu interrupted.

“No. I know someone,” he said quickly and dragged me out of the room.

“What the heck!” I said angrily once we got out into the hall.

“Do you want to throw this all away?!? Eventually, we will have to fake your death so you can go back to ‘you know where’ and it will be hard to do that if you are constantly on missions with Deidara.” He said, losing control of his emotions.

I knew what Zetsu said was true, but I didn’t want to believe it.

“Fine. But who is this other person?” I asked.

“Let’s just say it’s an old friend,” he said, getting his self control back, and started walking back. Then Zetsu pulled Pein out into the hall.

“Well, someone has their weeds in a knot,” said Hidan with a snigger, and I explained to Deidara that I couldn’t be his partner for a reason undisclosed. I used the ‘attachment’ excuse to cover it up.

When Pein and Zetsu came back, Pein said that Zetsu and I would be going out to find a new member to replace Sasori. Zetsu said his name was Tobi.

He turned out to be shockingly easy to find, and we surprised him at his cliffside campground.

“ZETSU!!!!” said the masked man, running towards me as I rose from the earth. “It’s been so long since Tobi has seen you!” he said, but then the real Zetsu came out of the ground, blocking Tobi’s B-line towards me.

“Whoa! Tobi sees two Zetsus!” he exclaimed as if he were shocked at the notion of multiple Zetsus.

“No, Tobi. You see one Zetsu and one Jess.” Said the white half calmly. Although devoid of emotion, this comment struck me funny and I giggled.

“A laughing Zetsu! Tobi’s impressed!” said Tobi, studying me like a scientist investigating a specimen.

“Ugh… I’m the only Zetsu here…. Gwah! Now I’m stooping to your level!” said Zetsu, and I cracked up. I had never seen anyone get to Zetsu as quickly as Tobi did, and that is quite the accomplishment!

“Well, I’m Jess.” I said holding out my hand, and Tobi took it, shacking it in a wild manner. If I hadn’t had the weights on me, he surely would have tossed me across the room, but I held on.

“Good to meet you! But Tobi thinks you look more like a girly Zetsu!” Exclaimed Tobi, and for the first time, my black half moved on its own. It made a sigh. I exchanged a panicked look with Zetsu and he hurried Tobi along, saying that he wasn’t our only mission for the day.

We dropped Tobi off at HQ and Zetsu took me outside.

“It seems that your… More primal instincts are kicking in,” said white Zetsu.

“Yes. I think that your stay with us will have to be cut short,” agreed black Zetsu. “I want to test something. Eat this,” he continued, handing me a familiar red berry. I popped it into my mouth but spit it out in disgust.

“Must be spoiled…” I said calmly, but Zetsu looked petrified.

“Oh no. Those berries never spoil. The only person who can’t eat them is me. This means that…. That…”

“You will be dining with us.” Said black Zetsu, finishing white Zetsu’s thought.

“Dining with you? You don’t mean… On heck no! I am NOT eating PEOPLE, and you are crazy if you think I am!” For a short moment I considered it, “But, you... The berries… No! Why am I even…” I could have rambled on for hours, but Zetsu grabbed my shoulders and looked me straight in the eyes. He brought his face close to mine and white Zetsu asked me in a whisper, “When was the last time you ‘answered the call of nature’?”

“Hm?” I asked, not seeing what he was getting at. White Zetsu continued,

“You know… Um… Had a bowel movement.”

I cocked my head, confused.

“Pooped.” Finished black Zetsu.

“Uh…” I raked my brain, but just couldn’t remember. “I don’t know… I guess it’s been a while. Why?”

But before Zetsu could answer, words came out of me. “Five days, six hours, and eight minutes.”

Zetsu backed away. White Zetsu rubbed his temple and black Zetsu said “Thank you.”

“This is terrible. That was not supposed to happen. I only gave you my chakra, not his. What have I done? Ugh!” White Zetsu said this and started pacing.

“I think we made her better.” Said black Zetsu.

“Are you crazy! Wait, let me remember who I’m talking to! You know, you’re the one who made me this way!” White Zetsu said angrily, and then for the first time they split, and my black half mimicked the action, splitting us.

“I’m leaving! C’mon.” said White Zetsu, clearly talking to me. Well, the white half at least.

I walked into HQ with white Zetsu, leaving the two black halves behind, and Tobi was tied up and hanging from the ceiling. Hidan was blind folded and was holding the butt of his sickle thing out like a baseball bat.

“Tobi made new friends!” exclaimed Tobi.

“Not now Tobi,” said Zetsu, rushing past the set up. I looked up at Tobi and felt bad. I threw a quick ice shuriken at the rope and let Tobi down.

“C’mon! We were playing a game!” said Kisame as Hidan started swiping at and slicing the air, cursing whoever moved the effing piñata.

“Make someone else your human piñata.” I said, and Tobi followed me out of the room, hopping because he was still tied up. We stopped in the corridor and I untied Tobi.

“Why did you stop the game?” asked Tobi, and I replied “That isn’t a good game for Tobi to play. Your ‘friends’ were not being nice to Tobi.”

“Oh, OK!” said Tobi, standing up like it never even happened.

Zetsu stuck his head out a door and motioned for me to come in. “Stay here, Tobi” I said, and he replied “OK! Tobi is a good boy!”

As I walked in Zetsu closed the door and locked it. I looked around, examining shelves of scrolls.

“That Tobi is pretty special, eh Zetsu?” I asked, but as I turned around, I noticed Zetsu feverishly reading through piles of scrolls mumbling things like “Why did I let him separate” and “What next”

I then heard a knock on the door. Then, Tobi said “Zetsu, someone really wants to see you!” and I heard a different voice say, “Open the door unless you want it to be broken.”

It was black Jess.

“Open the door.”

She said it again. Zetsu was still whipping out scrolls and searching through them, looking for some kind of miracle, and was going so fast I could barely follow his movements. I drew my sword and started walking towards the door, but I stopped when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“Stop,” Zetsu whispered, “I wasn’t going to tell you this, but I think that now, you should know.  Before the night I gave you some of my chakra, black Zetsu and I had been having some… Disagreements about you. He wanted to kill you from the moment we left the village and tried several times. But I stopped him.  I thought I had him at bay, but apparently, he somehow slipped some of his chakra into you. I think his plan from the start was to distract me by trying to kill you, so he could create the other black half. Then, using her powers, dispose of the both of us. So, I need you to keep your black half busy so that I can fuse with black Zetsu again and hopefully subdue him enough so that we can team up on your black half, because it will be a stalemate if you take her on one on one. Now, let’s open the door.”

I looked back, and although Zetsu sounded confident, he looked petrified. We both had to do our parts flawlessly for the plan to work. I walked up to the door, put my hand on the lock, and turned it.

The instant I twisted the lock, black Jess charged in. She faked a punch to my face and the next thing I knew, I had a sharp knee in my chest. I twisted around and landed an elbow to her head. Then, I jumped back to get a breath. I drew a kunai and threw it, but it was just blocked by a shuriken. I ran in and tried to land a high kick on her, but it was seamlessly blocked. Then, we were on the ground, rolling, slicing, and even biting. But all the sudden, she collapsed onto the floor with a kunai sticking out of her neck. I looked up and saw Tobi with another kunai, ready to throw it.

“Tobi is a good boy?” he asked, and I replied with a breathless yes. I then stood up and looked around. Zetsu was nowhere to be found, but a scroll was lying on the ground, open. On it the words “sword”, “cave”, and “mist” were circled. Confused, I looked at Tobi, but he just shrugged.

Tobi started saying “Maybe Zetsu wants to meet you in a sword cave with mist, or he has a mist sword in a cave, or…”, but I cut him off short.

 

“I know where I have to go. Tobi, wait here,” I said to Tobi. I would have to meet Zetsu in the cave right under where I picked up Zabuza’s sword, his grave, and would have to leave immediately.

I went underground and went to the cave to find white Zetsu waiting for me.

“It’s time. We will have to first remove my chakra from you, and then dispose of the black half. I’ll say that both of you died in the battle. I’m not sure what will happen when I go back to my black half. When I get back, I might regain control, but most likely I won’t…” Zetsu started looking down at his feet and stopped talking.

“Well, my pale friend, I have a surprise for you,” I told Zetsu. I had secretly been working on this technique, and it was time to show it off. First, I used the sand and clay around us to make a blank figure using earth element and made its dimensions as close to Zetsu’s as I could. Then, I asked if he was ready and to brace himself.

I gathered all of Zetsu’s chakra that was inside me in my right hand and then quickly sucked all the chakra out of Zetsu’s body into my left hand and almost instantly replaced it with the chakra gathered in my right. Then, I put my left hand on the clay body and forced the chakra into the figure. In my right hand, I gathered a small amount of chakra on each of my fingers, a different element on the tip of each one. Praying that it worked, I balled my right fist and slammed it on top of my left.

Slowly, white veins snaked out from my hands and covered the whole figure, creating features on the blank body. Then, when I was almost drained of energy, I lifted my hands up and an unconscious human white Zetsu was standing in front of me. I turned around and saw the original body sitting on the floor looking at me. I went back to the new body and as it went limp, I lay it on the floor. It was breathing and had a heartbeat, but wasn’t moving. Then I turned my attention to the original body.

It had all of Zetsu’s memories and acted practically the same, so I set it off with the cover story. The only difference was that it acted like Zetsu did before we got to know each other, with little to no sympathy or compassion, or really any emotion at all.

Then, feeling drained, I sat down next to the new Zetsu and fell asleep…


	5. Encounter

I am not sure what time it was, but I woke up in the cave, lying sideways on the floor. I sat up and tried to look around, but it was incredibly dark, and I also realized there was no entrance either, so to get out, I told myself to sink into the ground, but it did not work. It took me several tries to realize that it wasn’t going to happen. Then, I realized something was missing. I reached up, and discovered just what was gone- The leaves.

No wonder I couldn’t get out. To escape, I used mokuton to make a kind of ‘wood elevator’ and forced my way out, letting light into the cavern. I then saw a splash of green in the streak of light. Zetsu! He was still sound asleep, and I quickly threw my robe over him, but then got out of the cave, resealing it behind me.

The sunlight was blinding at first, but then my eyes adjusted themselves to the sudden brightness. I was face to face to Zabuza’s grave once again. Knowing I couldn’t take it back with me to the Leaf Village, I took his sword off my back and gingerly sunk it into the soil once again.

Then, I heard the ground behind me crunch with slow footsteps, and I whipped around to see a stunned Kisame.

“What happened here?” Is all he said, but not in his normally arrogant fashion.

“I-I can explain,” Is all I got out before he continued.

“You’re supposed to be dead… and not that color,” he said slowly, as if seeing a ghost. I then realized why he was acting so strange. I was supposedly dead, and not tan, but black and white.

“How long has it been?” I asked stupidly, but was shocked by his reply.

“Over a month… But your chakra… Even Samehada couldn’t trace it, and was sad for weeks… Still is.” My chakra must have hit zero after I made the Zetsu, but I wasn’t going to tell him that much about the plan. I just stood and stared, and noticed two sword handles sticking out over his shoulder, one of which started twitching.

“Oh, of course, someone wants to say hi,” he said as he released the twitching sword, and pulled off the still one. Before I could say no, not one, but two Samehadas were latched to my legs.

“Haha! Looks like they missed you!” He said, and I couldn’t help but laugh as well.

“But, why two?” I asked and he explained that when he saw that Samehada liked me so much, he took some of its spikes and started to grow another one.

“But you ‘died’ before I could give you one,” he finished, and called them back, but only one went. The other just climbed further and wrapped itself around my waist.

“That one always liked you better,” he said as he started walking past, “It’s yours.”

“Wait, your giving me the original?” I asked.

“Yeah, they are both the same, and this one likes me. Plus, I was sick of carrying that one around. It was always moping and just being useless. Fair deal?” he said. I stared blankly at him as he walked away, but then yelled after him,

“Please don’t tell the others!” and he turned around with a worried expression and yelled back “What others? Hidan got himself stuck in some hole for all eternity, Konan left, Deidara blew himself up, and everyone else is dead except me, Tobi, and Zetsu. Now, I must be off to see the nine tails. And may I just say you remind me of a certain ‘Noble Green Beast’ who is giving me one heck of a headache in that getup.” And then he turned around with a wink and disappeared over the horizon.

I couldn’t help laughing at his last comment, but then the weight of Kisame’s words sunk in. All dead. They couldn’t be dead. I sat down in disbelief, but brightened up a tad when the sword wrapped around me began to purr. 

“Awww…” I said and rubbed its ‘head’. I was just about to reopen the hole into the cave, but stopped when I heard a twig break behind me.  Samehada bolted to the source of the noise and I heard a masculine “What the-” and whipped around.

I saw a boy, around my age, with long black hair and eyes with no pupils. Neji.

I couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight before my eyes. Samehada was twisting and convulsing, trying to get its unlucky prisoner, trapped within its spiked coils, down on the ground, and I had no intention of stopping it. Instead, I watched our oh so infamous ‘genius Neji’ get wrestled to the ground, each move he made only made it worse for him. Finally subduing, he lay on the ground with Samehada wrapped tightly around him.

 

Giving him a look over, I realized that this wasn’t the Neji I had left behind over two years ago. He was almost as tall as me and looked, well, older.

“Who are you?” he asked sharply and, squatting before him, I mockingly said, “Don’t you remember, or have you lost that large head of yours?”

“What do you mean?” He asked again, and this time I made it easier for him, holding out my red leaf headband and striped orange forearm. (I put the headband on after I woke up, along with my old clothes even though they were way too small. The only things that still fit were the leggings… But a bit of midriff never killed anyone.)

“Jess?” He asked once again, and I replied with a yes before knocking him out with a quick, blunt blow to the back of his head.

Samehada slithered off of him, and I hid the body in a nearby tree hollow. He would wake up in a few hours. And knowing that leaf ninja never go on missions alone, I decided I would have to get away, and quick. But before I left, I heard a voice come out of a small headset and speaker I hadn’t previously noticed.

 _*Bzzzz*_ “Hello? Neji, are you there? …Neeeji?” _*Bzzzz*_

It sounded familiar, but I couldn’t point out exactly how I knew the voice. So, I quickly cut one of the devices wires, and it shut the system down.

Once again, I tried to get back to Zetsu, but not before I heard a rustle in the trees behind me.

“What now!” I moaned as I turned to face the noise, grabbing an instantly stiff Samehada.

A small girl, possibly a year or two younger than me, wearing a white ANBU mask was in the trees looking down on me, but other than the mask she looked nothing like ANBU. After a short stare down, she leapt silently down from her high perch and made the first move, lunging out with three long blades clutched in each fist like the claws of a cat. I deftly redirected the blow to the base of a nearby tree, but not before she grazed my left shoulder. Then, I took to the offensive, trapping her feet in a large pool of ice and trapping her hands to the tree with thick vines.

“Who are you?” I asked, suddenly feeling like Neji, who had just asked the same question. But as I approached, she got a hand free and summoned a… Giant cat. I was dodging blows left and right as it swatted at me while its summoner slowly released herself from my trap. I was slowly landing blows on the cat with Samehada though, allowing it to suck the cat’s chakra and grow to twice, and then three times its original size. Soon, the cats front paws were stained with blood from its numerous cuts, and it let out a terrifying howl.

Behind the cat, the girl was summoning like crazy, soon having an army of smaller cats attacking me, but I was swinging at them with eight winding wooden arms I created and was controlling with wood style jutsu. I called it ‘Octopus Style’ and it was a personal favorite of mine. After sending hundreds of cats flying off into the forest, I noticed that my chakra should have hit zero by now, but it wasn’t.

I turned around to find that Samehada, now over ten feet long, was connected to my back, and then its hilt was fused to the head of the giant cat, now laying battered and bloodied on the forest floor, feeding me chakra. Then, I turned my attention back to the cats, but the barrage had stopped. Instead, there was the girl charging me with a katana. I blocked the blow with the wood arms, but she was fast and was behind me now, ripping Samehada off of my back, taking a chunk of my back with it.

With my back bleeding out, there was nothing I could do except block her attacks with my arm weights and let Samehada do all the heavy lifting. Before long, we were both past our limits and looked like we had swam through a sea of broken glass, and she suddenly stopped, knowing I couldn’t attack. But she was wrong in that assumption. Using my last bit of strength, I bent down and took my right leg weight off and sent her flying through the canopy with a kick similar to that of the Primary Lotus.

The next thing I did was collapse face first onto Samehada and roll over onto my side. I saw the battered cat disappear in a puff of smoke and noticed chunks of my sword and pools of blood on the floor. Then, Samehada ate me. But what it was actually doing was healing me, using the last bit of the cat’s chakra it had, but to do so, it entered my body through six inward pointed spikes that pierced my shoulders to the bone. It hurt at first, but was nothing compared to the agony of having your spine exposed during battle.

Soon, I was whole again and spit back out. Looking myself over, I was coated in blood and bruises, but all the major injuries were gone. Samehada was down to its original size again and went stiff. I felt my shoulders where it had pierced me and saw three thick blue stripes that wrapped halfway around and ended in a point on each one. They looked somewhat like tattoos and would serve as a reminder of how Samehada not only saved my life today, but probably would do so in the future as well. I could have sworn Kisame had the same markings, too.

And, on my last attempt and carrying Samehada, I got back into the cave with Zetsu and instantly passed out, not even thinking about the scene that Neji would soon wake up to.

Opening my eyes, I saw a dark void in front of me. Remembering where I was, I gathered a ball of fire manipulated chakra and lit one of the blank scrolls I carried with me from my missions with Zetsu. The dim light from the burning scroll pierced the darkness and I looked around me. I saw Samehada coiled around itself on the far side of the cave and Zetsu was sitting up to my right. He had my robe on and was looking right at me.

“Have you gone through a blender with razor blades?” He asked me jokingly, and I looked down at myself. My green shirt was riddled with holes and splotched with blood, and my pants matched. The orange leggings on my arms were ripped to shreds and hanging off my arms and the weights were covered with deep gashes.

Rummaging through the small bag I brought with me, I pulled out my black Akatsuki garb and quickly changed, after making Zetsu turn around, of course. I just tossed my shredded clothes in to the fire and then, realizing that Zetsu was in fact alive and well, I walked over to him. He looked like the white half times two, and acted just like it. The next test, though, was to see if he still had his old abilities.

After a bit of experimenting and lots of patience (The use of his right half was still a strange experience for Zetsu, after all) we found that Zetsu still could use a bit of wood element, but lost his ability to multiply and his sensing skills were pretty bad. (“Can you sense Neji out there still?” “Yes… No… Is that a squirrel? Ummm… No! It’s the tree! Wait… I think it may just be Neji… or a squirrel…”)

Not knowing what to do next, I asked Zetsu what he thought.

“Well, we are way overdue on that mission the Hokage gave you, so I think that it is time for you to head back to the Leaf.”

Wow. I had completely forgotten about the mission, and it was finally time to go home. But, was the leaf still really my home? For the last three years of my life, I had been traveling with Zetsu, and over two of the three were spent with the Akatsuki. Yet, Zetsu was right. It was time to go back, but what about him? In less than a second, I knew just what to propose. 

“If I’m going back, then you are coming with me.” After I said this, Zetsu shot me a glance of surprise, but then the fire went out because the scroll had completely burned and only a few embers remained.

“Are you sure about that?” Zetsu asked, and I replied, “I wouldn’t have it any other way!”

So, after grabbing our small collection of things, I strapped a still sleeping Samehada to my back and we left the cave to confirm that Neji was in fact gone. Then, we set out on our journey back to the leaf.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next stop: the Hidden Leaf!   
> Stay tuned for Act III.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, its a bit strange and off-canon but I'm not about to go back and redo the entire second act to stick more closely to the canon. Either way I hope the story is enjoyable!


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